BREAKING: Washington Redskins drop “Washington” from their name because it’s embarrassing.
Heh.
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Tag Archives: humor
Another Meager Attempt at Humor
Q: Why did the elephant paint its fingernails red?
A: So it could hide in the strawberry patch.
Q: How can you tell that an elephant is in the bathtub with you?
A: By the smell of peanuts on its breath.
Q: How do you shoot a blue elephant?
A: With a blue elephant gun.
Q: How do you shoot a yellow elephant?
A: Have you ever seen a yellow elephant?
Q: How do you shoot a red elephant?
A: Hold his trunk shut until he turns blue, and then shoot him with the blue elephant gun.
Q: How do you shoot a purple elephant?
A: Paint him red, hold his trunk shut until he turns blue, and then shoot him with the blue elephant gun.
YGTBSM
via Friday’s Politico:
Tuesday morning, a peculiar announcement trickled out of the White House press office: President Barack Obama would be holding a moment of silence for the victims of the Boston bombings. At the White House. By himself. No press or other intruders allowed.
Except the White House photographer.
How precious is that?
It’s Time Again
Q: Why didn’t the bartender serve the snake?
A: Because he couldn’t hold his beer.
A chicken walks into a bar. The bartender says, “We don’t serve poultry.”
The chicken says, “That’s OK I just want a drink.”
A rabbi, a priest, and a Lutheran minister walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says, “Is this some kind of joke?”
They Don’t Like Me
Answering a question about the status of fiscal cliff negotiations, President Barack Obama said that his Republican colleagues oppose compromising with him because they oppose him personally, not because of the substance of any deal.
I don’t know if that just has to do with, you know, it is very hard for them to say yes to me. But, you know, at some point they’ve got to take me out of it, and think about their voters.
No worries, though. You’re likeable enough, Barack.
Exercise
We Americans don’t get enough. So here’s one to help us do better in our modern, digital world. Disclaimer: You might want to take it easy on this one at first, then do it faster as you become more proficient. It may be too strenuous for some.
Always consult your doctor before starting any exercise program. OK, here we go:
SCROLL DOWN…
Time for Some Humor
Or at least what passes for it in my house, with my very patient wife.
A fish walks into a bar. The bartender says, “What do you want?”
The fish croaks, “Water.”A man walks into a bar and orders six whiskies. He lines them up in a row and knocks back the first, third, and fifth glasses. Then he gets up to leave. “Don”t you want the others?” asks the barman. “You”ve only had three of your whiskies.”
“Best not,” replies the man. “My doctor said it was only okay to have the odd drink.”
It Isn’t Always the Government
The US Chamber of Commerce’s Institute for Legal Reform has settled on its view of the most ridiculous lawsuits of the just concluded year, borrowing from FacesOfLawsuitAbuse.org. As the Institute points out, the US has been the lawsuit capital of the world for some time, and foolishness like these cases contributes to the title.
We can’t blame this idiocy on government, however. I do have to wonder, though, at the lawyers who actually agree to take these things to court. They must know the frivolous nature, so I speculate about their motives….
And now…
…just because I feel like something light, today.
—-
Two blonde guys were working for the city. One would dig a hole, the other would follow behind him and fill the hole in.
They worked furiously all day without rest, one guy digging a hole, the other guy filling it in again.
An onlooker was amazed at their hard work, but couldn’t understand what they were doing. So he asked the hole digger, “I appreciate the effort you are putting into your work, but what’s the story? You dig a hole and your partner follows behind and fills it up again.”