Because we need some.
I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.
I just found out I’m colorblind. The diagnosis came completely out of the purple.
Just burned 2,000 calories. That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
A cop just knocked on my door and told me that my dogs were chasing people on bikes. My dogs don’t even own bikes….
That’s enough of that.
Especially on this day….
I got fired from my job because I kept asking my customers whether they would prefer “Smoking” or “Non-smoking.”
Apparently the correct terms are “Cremation” and “Burial.”
…just to extend the holiday a bit. Along that line, this is the only post for today.
Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at them and says, “I’m sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion allowed per passenger.”
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it, too.
As one frog said to the other, “How time is fun when you are having flies.”
…by the President of the Congress, according to The Babylon Bee:
The suggestion that Trump obstructed Congress turned out to be a far more popular idea than Democrats had predicted.
But they closed with this:
At publishing time, Trump was looking for ways to obstruct both the judicial and executive branches, further increasing his popularity.
However, Trump already is obstructing the Judicial Branch. Look at all those evil, dysfunctional textualists he’s getting appointed to the district courts, appellate circuits, and Supreme Court. And it’s appearing increasingly possible that he’ll get one more obstructive Justice, too, to set back Roberts.
…for the fun of it. My wife yells at me over elephant jokes, so here are these, instead.
…for some humor. Bear with me.
Many years ago I was in Wyoming elk hunting with a guide in prime grizzly-bear territory. Camped in an area with a host of bear tracks in the surrounding snow, I asked one evening how to stay safe from grizzly bears.
“First, tie bells to your shoes so they can hear you. Second, learn the difference between black bear and grizzly bear scat.”
I asked about the scatological difference.
“Grizz scat has bells in it.”
…would rather find a reason to be offended than see humor, even if that humor isn’t their style. Such folks are professional victims. Here’s an advertising sign that one physical fitness gym owner has put up to advertise his business.
Folks actually are up in arms over this. Is the joke for everyone? Of course not; no joke is; not even those told by Milton Berle or Bob Hope.
That’s a big so what, though; humor varies from person to person. Nevertheless, professional victims are calling him out for fat-shaming folks, for bullying folks.
…comes from Fox News:
The Latest: Russia says 30,000 flea besieged east Ghouta
Apparently, al Assad is so desperate Putin is even drawing in the little guys….
Your momma’s so ugly, the government moved Halloween to her birthday.
Your momma is so fat, I took a picture of her last Christmas and it’s still printing.
Your mamma is so fat she doesn’t need the internet, because she’s already world wide.
A lady comes home from her doctor’s appointment grinning from ear to ear. Her husband asks, “Why are you so happy?”
The wife says, “The doctor told me that for a forty-five year old woman, I have the breasts of a eighteen year old.”
“Oh yeah?” quipped her husband, “What did he say about your forty-five year old ass?”
She said, “Your name never came up.”
