And it’s the season….

I’ve been so bored this week that I just memorized six pages of the dictionary.
I learned next to nothing.

My wife beamed at me with pride and said, “Wow! I never thought our son would go that far!”
I said, “This catapult is amazing! Go get our daughter.”

I saw a girl crying, so I asked her “Where are your parents?” and she started crying even more.
Man, I love working at the orphanage.

Notice t‌‌hat t‌‌he w‌‌ord “‌‌nothing” i‌‌s a‌‌ p‌‌alindrome.
Backwards i‌‌t s‌‌pells “‌‌gnihton,” w‌‌hich a‌‌lso m‌‌eans n‌‌othing.

What is black and white and red all over?
An elephant dressed as a nun suffering from sunburn.

Four blind elephants encounter a human, who is a creature they’ve never seen before. Wishing to learn about this creature, one decides to feel him. He reports that humans are flat. The other three then investigate, also, and they agree.

What is gray, has four legs, and a trunk?
A mouse going on vacation.

What is brown, has four legs, and a trunk?
A mouse coming back from vacation.

What has eight legs, two trunks, four eyes, and two tails?
Two elephants.

What game do four elephants in a mini play?
Squash

What does Tarzan say when he sees a herd of elephants in the distance?
“Look, a herd of elephants in the distance.”
What does Tarzan say when he sees a herd of elephants with sunglasses?
Nothing. He doesn’t recognize them.
What does Tarzan say when he sees a herd of giraffes in the distance?
“Haha! You fooled me once with those disguises, but not this time!”

Tarzan comes home after a hard day and asks Jane to mix him a martini.
He’s hardly sat down before he’s finished it and he asks Jane to mix him another, and being a caring, nurturing mate, she does so. Again, Tarzan makes it disappear and asks (nicely enough, to be fair) for still another one.
At this, Jane arches a delicate eyebrow and says “Three martinis? Before dinner?”
“Jane, you don’t understand,” sighs Tarzan. “It’s a jungle out there!”

A performative poet of Hibernia
Rhymed himself into a hernia.
He became quite adept
At this practice, except
For the occasional non-sequitur.