Because.  Just because.

In the wake of the Exxon/Mobil deal and the AOL/Netscape deal a while ago, here some other mergers we might expect to see:
Hale Business Systems, Mary Kay Cosmetics, Fuller Brush and W.R. Grace Company merge to become Hale Mary Fuller Grace.
3M and Goodyear merge to become MMMGood.
Zippo Manufacturing, Audi Motors, Dofasco and Dakota Mining merge to become Zip Audi Do Da.
Denison Mines, and Alliance and Metal Mining merge to become MineAll Mine.
Federal Express and UPS merge to become FED UP.
Xerox and Wurlitzer will merge and begin manufacturing reproductive organs.
Fairchild Electronics and Honeywell Computers will merge and become Fairwell Honeychild.
3M, JC Penney and the Canadian Opera Company will merge and become 3 Penney Opera.
My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, finally I had to take his bike away.

A girl asks a boy: “Peter, how much do you love me?”
The boy looks her in the eyes, “Look up at the stars, that’s how much I love you.”
The girl is confused, “But it’s morning, there are no stars?”
Boy nods, “Exactly!”

If I got 50 cents for every failed math exam, I’d have $ 6.30 now.

For Sale: Parachute. Used once, never opened, small stain.

Yo momma is so fat, I took a picture of her last Christmas and it’s still printing.

Doc, I can’t stop singing the “Green, Green Grass of Home.”
He said: “That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome.”
“Is it common?” I asked.
“It’s not unusual,” he replied.

You’re welcome.

Because it’s time.  Deal.

Refusing to go to the gym counts as resistance training, right?

Tell me again how I unloaded the dishwasher too loudly when you were watching golf. Detectives will want to know exactly how this went down.

Patient: How much to have this tooth pulled?
Dentist: Ninety dollars.
Patient: Ninety dollars for just a few minutes’ work?
Dentist: I can do it slower if you like.

A guy goes to a doctor’s office and the doctor says, “I haven’t seen you for a while.”
The guy says, “I know, I’ve been sick.”

Apparently taking a day off is not something you should do when you work for a calendar company.

Why is there music coming out of your printer?
That will be the paper jamming again!

Knock knock.
Who’s there?
An extraterrestrial.
Extraterrestrial who?
Wait—how many extra-terrestrials do you know?

Knock knock
Who’s there?
The door.

Why did the chicken cross the road?
To hunt somebody down.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
The chicken.

…of the Obama recovery and the campaign season to see who should replace him, it’s time for some economist jokes. Live with it.

“Give me a one-handed economist,” demanded a frustrated American president. “All my economists say, ‘on the one hand…on the other'”.

 

A physicist, a chemist and an economist are stranded on an island, with nothing to eat. A can of soup washes ashore. The physicist says, “Lets smash the can open with a rock.” The chemist says, “Let’s build a fire and heat the can first.” The economist says, “Let’s assume that we have a can-opener….”

 

A man walking along a road in the countryside comes across a shepherd and a huge flock of sheep. The man tells the shepherd, “I will bet you $100 against one of your sheep that I can tell you the exact number in this flock.” The shepherd thinks it over; it’s a big flock, so he takes the bet. “973,” says the man. The shepherd is astonished, because that is exactly right. He says “OK, I’m a man of my word, take an animal.” The man picks one up and begins to walk away. “Wait,” cries the shepherd, “Let me have a chance to get even. Double or nothing that I can guess your exact occupation.” The man says sure. “You are an economist for a government think tank,” says the shepherd. “Amazing!” responds the man, “You are exactly right! But tell me, how did you deduce that?”

“Well,” says the shepherd, “put down my dog, and I will tell you.”

 

Three econometricians went out hunting, and came across a large deer. The first econometrician fired, but missed, by a meter to the left. The second econometrician fired, but also missed, by a meter to the right. The third econometrician didn’t fire, but shouted in triumph, “We got it! We got it!”

 

A civil engineer, a chemist, and an economist are traveling in the countryside. Weary, they stop at a small country inn. “I only have two rooms, so one of you will have to sleep in the barn,” the innkeeper says. The civil engineer volunteers to sleep in the barn, goes outside, and the others go to bed. In a short time they’re awakened by a knock. It’s the engineer, who says, “There’s a cow in that barn. I’m a Hindu, and it would offend my beliefs to sleep next to a sacred animal.” The chemist says that, OK, he’ll sleep in the barn. The others go back to bed, but soon are awakened by another knock. It’s the chemist who says, “There’s a pig in that barn. I’m Jewish and cannot sleep next to an unclean animal.” So the economist is sent to the barn. It’s getting late, the others are very tired and soon fall asleep, but they’re awakened by an even louder knocking. They open the door and are surprised by what they see: it’s the cow and the pig.

…once again, to harass you with my sense of humor. Enjoy. Or suffer.

A librarian is working away at her desk when she notices that a chicken has come into the library and is patiently waiting in front of the desk. When the chicken sees that it has the librarian’s attention, it squawks, “Book, book, book, BOOK!”

The librarian complies, putting a couple of books down in front of the chicken. The chicken quickly grabs them and disappears.

The next day, the librarian is again disturbed by the same chicken, who puts the previous day’s pile of books down on the desk and again squawks, “Book, book, book, BOOK!”

The librarian shakes her head, wondering what the chicken is doing with these books, but eventually finds some more books for the chicken. The chicken disappears.

The next day, the librarian is once again disturbed by the chicken, who squawks (in a rather irritated fashion, it seems), “Book, book, book, BOOK!” By now, the librarian’s curiosity has gotten the better of her, so she gets a pile of books for the chicken, and follows the bird when it leaves the library. She follows it through the parking lot, down the street for several blocks, and finally into a large park. The chicken disappears into a small grove of trees, and the librarian follows. On the other side of the trees is a small marsh. The chicken has stopped on the side of the marsh. The librarian, now really curious, hurries over and sees that there is a small frog next to the chicken, examining each book, one at a time. The librarian comes within earshot just in time to hear the frog saying, “Read it, read it, read it…”

When I was a kid, we had a quicksand box in the backyard.

I was an only child…eventually.

A chicken walks into a bar. Bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve chickens here. Try the place across the road.”

An egg walks into a bar, looks around and sees the place is empty. The egg says to the bartender, “Looks like I beat everyone here this morning.” Bartender says, “Not really. The chicken came first.”

A square, a triangle, and a hexagon walk into a bar. Bartender says, “Looks like you guys could use a round.”

An id, an ego, and a superego walk into a bar. The superego says, “This place is dirty and disgusting! We should be ashamed of ourselves for setting foot in a dive like this!” The ego says, “That’s true, but it’s right next to our bus stop and the prices are very reasonable.” The id says, “Wow, look at the hooters on that waitress!”

And finally:

A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, “Have you heard the joke that doesn’t have a punch line?” Bartender says “No.”