Via Heatstreet (the article in front of this bit, on a separate matter, is worth the read, too: if it doesn’t angrify you, it’ll amuse you terribly).
An Interlude
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Category Archives: humor
Does It Matter?
I don’t ordinarily go to People magazine for material, but I was sent here by Fox News Insider, and this tale is just too amusing to ignore.
[D]esigner Sophie Theallet has flipped the script on those ubiquitous calls to boycott, announcing that instead it is she and her brand who will be boycotting Trump and his wife, Melania, refusing to lend her any of her designs.
And
A source tells People, “This has already been going on for months. Designers wouldn’t lend to Melania, Ivanka, or Tiffany, so they either bought the items themselves or wore Ivanka’s brand.”
Wait—what? Ivanka Trump is a competitor of these ladies and gentlemen? That sheds some light on the matter….
Then there’s this:
Carolina Herrera told Business of Fashion, “I think that in two or three months [designers will] reach out, because it’s fashion. You’ll see everyone dressing Melania. She’s representing the United States.”
Because capitalism, and there’s money in being Dresser to the Stars.
I think a grown, adult woman is fully capable of dressing herself. I think a woman as plainly intelligent, as obviously successful in the world of fashion (and modeling), as clearly successful in business as is soon-to-be First Lady Melania Trump is fully capable of making her own fashion decisions. And if those fashion decisions come off the rack, well, that just demonstrates the superfluous superficiality of the precious ones of fashion…design.
Because We Need a Chance to Laugh
Some post-election humor….
On a recent retirement:
John Pistole, TSA Administrator, at his retirement party: his employees toasted him with less than three ounces of champagne. Then they gave him a gold watch, and he had to take it off and put it in a bin.
And
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
A couple of NSA pick-up lines:
Did you fall from heaven? Because there’s no tracking data on how you arrived at this location.
I know exactly where you have been all my life.
On computer viruses:
Paul Revere Virus: Warns of impending hard disk attack—once if by LAN, twice if by C:>
Politically Correct Virus: Never calls itself a “virus.” Instead, it’s an “electronic microorganism”
Government Spokesman Virus: Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine.
Here We Go Again
Because. Just because.
In the wake of the Exxon/Mobil deal and the AOL/Netscape deal a while ago, here some other mergers we might expect to see:
Hale Business Systems, Mary Kay Cosmetics, Fuller Brush and W.R. Grace Company merge to become Hale Mary Fuller Grace.
3M and Goodyear merge to become MMMGood.
Zippo Manufacturing, Audi Motors, Dofasco and Dakota Mining merge to become Zip Audi Do Da.
Denison Mines, and Alliance and Metal Mining merge to become MineAll Mine.
Federal Express and UPS merge to become FED UP.
Xerox and Wurlitzer will merge and begin manufacturing reproductive organs.
Fairchild Electronics and Honeywell Computers will merge and become Fairwell Honeychild.
3M, JC Penney and the Canadian Opera Company will merge and become 3 Penney Opera.
My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, finally I had to take his bike away.A girl asks a boy: “Peter, how much do you love me?”
The boy looks her in the eyes, “Look up at the stars, that’s how much I love you.”
The girl is confused, “But it’s morning, there are no stars?”
Boy nods, “Exactly!”If I got 50 cents for every failed math exam, I’d have $ 6.30 now.
For Sale: Parachute. Used once, never opened, small stain.
Yo momma is so fat, I took a picture of her last Christmas and it’s still printing.
Doc, I can’t stop singing the “Green, Green Grass of Home.”
He said: “That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome.”
“Is it common?” I asked.
“It’s not unusual,” he replied.
You’re welcome.
Jokes
Because it’s time. Deal.
Refusing to go to the gym counts as resistance training, right?
Tell me again how I unloaded the dishwasher too loudly when you were watching golf. Detectives will want to know exactly how this went down.
Patient: How much to have this tooth pulled?
Dentist: Ninety dollars.
Patient: Ninety dollars for just a few minutes’ work?
Dentist: I can do it slower if you like.A guy goes to a doctor’s office and the doctor says, “I haven’t seen you for a while.”
The guy says, “I know, I’ve been sick.”Apparently taking a day off is not something you should do when you work for a calendar company.
Why is there music coming out of your printer?
That will be the paper jamming again!Knock knock.
Who’s there?
An extraterrestrial.
Extraterrestrial who?
Wait—how many extra-terrestrials do you know?Knock knock
Who’s there?
The door.Why did the chicken cross the road?
To hunt somebody down.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
The chicken.