Author Archives: eehines

Some Valentine’s Day Remarks

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For the last twenty years, I’ve received a Valentine’s Day card from the same secret admirer.
So, I was upset when I didn’t get one this year.
First my granny dies, now this?

My wife rang me at work on Valentine’s Day.
She said, “Three of the girls in the office have just received bunches of flowers. They’re absolutely gorgeous.”
I said, “That’s probably why they’ve been sent flowers then.”

You are my sweet Valentine. I like you like a fat kid likes cake.

Me: “Honey, on this Valentine’s Day, I want to tell you something… I’m not rich like Jack, I don’t have a mansion like Russell or a Porsche like Martin. But, I do love you and want to marry you.”
My lady: “Oh, dear…I love you too…But, what was that you said about Martin?”

Me: “Honey, on this Valentine’s Day, I want to tell you something… I’m not rich like Jack, I don’t have a mansion like Russell or a Porsche like Martin. But, I do love you and want to marry you.”
My lady: “Oh, dear…I love you too…But, what was that you said about Martin?”

If there’s one thing I hate about Valentine’s Day…it’s my wife.

What is the difference between a calendar and you?
A calendar has a date on Valentine’s Day.

If you’re sad about being alone on Valentine’s Day, just remember… Nobody loves you on any other day either.

Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day. Don’t worry if you’re single. You’re going to die alone anyway.

I am not scared of getting dumped on Valentine’s Day. I don’t have a girlfriend.

Do I have a date for Valentine’s Day?
Yes, February 14th.

Me: “I love you.”
You: “Is that you or the wine talking?”
Me: “It’s me talking to the wine.”

Mike walked into a post office just before Valentine’s day, he couldn’t help noticing a middle-aged, balding man standing in a corner sticking “Love” stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them.  Then the man got out a bottle of Channel perfume from his pocket and started spraying scent over the envelopes.
By now Mike’s curiosity had got the better of him, and so I asked the man why he was sending all those cards.  The man replied, “I’m sending out 500 Valentine cards signed, ‘Guess who?'”
“But why?” asked Mike.
“I’m a divorce lawyer,” the man replied.

Denver Isn’t That Furious

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Denver’s Progressive-Democrat Mayor Mike Johnson is upset that the Federal government didn’t solve his biggest civic problem. When the Senate voted down the Federal bill in question, he posted on Instagram,

Today is a day the residents of Denver should be heartbroken. And they should be furious because we know we have a humanitarian crisis in this city[.]

Aside: Caldwell and Hackman had this in their piece at the link:

This city of 713,000 people has absorbed nearly 40,000 migrants in a little over a year, more per capita than any other US city.

Two lies—and I use that term advisedly, given that Caldwell and Hackman are highly talented news writers for whom words are their stock in trade, and so they plainly know better—in that sentence. Denver has had an influx of not a single migrant. It has had an influx of 40,000 illegal aliens in that little over a year. Their second lie is their claim that those 40,000 illegals going into Denver are more than any other city, per capita. That number is what Eagle Pass, El Paso, McAllen, Laredo each get in a month’s or two months’ time.

Back to Johnson’s faux angst. [C]risis in this city.

  • Denver has spent more than $42 million in the past year to house and feed the new arrivals
  • Public schools have ballooned by more than 3,000 students, creating a budget shortfall of roughly $17.5 million
  • The city’s safety-net hospital has seen at least 9,000 migrant patients in the past year, costing at least $10 million in unreimbursed care

Ya ta-ta, ya ta-ta. These problems are of Johnson’s and his city government’s deliberate making. His city is a sanctuary city that happily invites illegal aliens in and thereby at least tacitly supports the Biden administration’s decision to not enforce our border. Johnson would have a beef, maybe, if he’d rescind Denver’s sanctuary city status and stop encouraging folks whose first move in coming into our country is to deliberately break our laws.

But he won’t do that. He’s happy, like the Left generally, to blame others for the problems he’s causing for his city.

On top of that, by maintaining his city as a sanctuary for illegal aliens, he is, along with all the other sanctuary jurisdictions, creating problems for the rest of us. And we’re supposed to sympathize with him.

Long Past its Use-By Date

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The Department of Veterans Affairs Inspector General Office has found problems in the VA’s process for vetting the contractors it hires. The IG’s audit findings include these (not an exhaustive list by me):

  • 47 of 50 contract files (94 percent) did not include position designation records that established the position investigative requirements for the contract
  • 34 of 50 contracts (68 percent) did not include contract language to communicate contractor vetting requirements to the contractor
  • 215 of the 286 contractor employees reviewed (about 75 percent) did not have evidence of completed fingerprint checks
  • 225 of the 286 contractor employees (about 79 percent) did not have evidence that a background investigation was completed by an investigative service provider

And this kicker [emphasis added]:

[T]he team’s review of a contract for unarmed security guards at the St. Cloud VA Medical Center in Minnesota determined that officials did not vet any of the 73 contractor employees, 38 of whom (about 52 percent) had criminal records. The criminal records included arrests and convictions ranging from petty misdemeanors to felonies such as disorderly conduct, domestic abuse, physical and sexual assault, financial card fraud, and terroristic threats. During the performance of the contract, VA police, St. Cloud officials, and the VA OIG were notified about improper behavior by the unvetted contractor employees, including stalking female VA and contractor employees, sexually harassing and assaulting other employees, getting into altercations at the medical center that required police intervention, and bragging to coworkers about being a gang member.

With that failure rate, does the VA actually have a vetting process, or is it just a few sheets of paper the department heads use for…decoration?

Further according to the IG’s audit, VA officials did not comply with executive orders, federal regulations, or VA’s policies for vetting contractor employees. Apparently, it’s not only that last regarding vetting, but VA officials are insubordinate and routinely ignore existing law and the orders of their boss, the President. Given these persons’ routine disregard of the other items, it’s not clear to me that the VA has any policies with which to not comply.

In any event, it’s long past time.

Veteranos Administratio delende est.

The full IG report can be read here.

I’ve Written It Before

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It bears repeating, though.

The House Education and the Workforce Committee has been trying to get Harvard University to deliver documents relevant to Congress’ investigation into rampant antisemitism on campus. Harvard has been refusing to do so. From that, Committee Chair Virginia Foxx (R, NC) wrote a letter to Harvard’s Interim President Dr Alan Garber and to Harvard Corporation’s Senior Fellow Penny Pritzker. Foxx wrote in pertinent part:

Harvard’s responses have been grossly insufficient, and the limited and dilatory nature of its productions is obstructing the Committee’s efforts. If Harvard continues to fail to comply with the Committee’s requests in a timely manner, the Committee will proceed with compulsory process.

No. Harvard’s Garber and Pritzker know already that they’re being dilatory and insufficiently responsive.

Once again: don’t yap. Act. Issue the subpoena with a nearby deadline. Move to cut off Federal funding for the school if they do not comply.

The Hur Report

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Special Counsel Robert Hur’s report on Progressive-Democrat Joe Biden’s years long mishandling of classified documents—with classification ranging from Confidential through Top Secret and many of them NOFORN (not releasable to foreign entities regardless of underlying classification) or HCS-O (a human intelligence classification control, whose violation endangers the lives of those who would talk to our intelligence personnel)—concluded in part that Biden had them illegally, moved them around illegally, and hung onto stored them illegally. Then, shockingly, he declined to refer Biden for criminal prosecution: Biden, Hur claimed, was too sympathetic and mentally feeble a figure, and it would be difficult to get a conviction.

Leave aside the fact that “difficult” means “possible,” and only a lazy or a weak-on-favored-politicians prosecutor would decline the difficult task. Stipulate, instead, that Hur’s no-prosecution recommendation was made honestly, however erroneously.

Consider, rather, that Attorney General Merrick Garland has the authority to reject the Special Counselor’s recommendation and prosecute Biden anyway, on the basis of the facts throughout the Hur report.

But don’t look for Garland to do that. He is, after all, Joe Biden’s made man.

Hur’s report can be read here.