Because it’s time, again….
Two men are going golfing, when one stops by the pro shop…
“I need to get a sleeve of balls, you want me to pick you up some?”
“No thanks. I just need this one.”
“Just one ball? What if you hit it deep into the woods?”
“Well, it makes a whistle after you hit it. Can’t lose it. I only need this one.”
“What is its dark and you hit it into a sand trap?”
“Well, it glows in the dark. Can’t lose it. I only need this one.”
“What if you hit it into the water? You’ll never find it.”
“Well, it floats. I’m telling you, you can’t lose it. I only need this one.”
“Wow. That’s some ball. Where’d you get it?”
“Oh, I found it.”
This is my step ladder. I never knew my real ladder.
A duck is standing next to a busy road, cars zooming past while he waits for a break in traffic. A chicken walks up to him and says, “Don’t do it, man. You’ll never hear the end of it.”
My grandmother’s last words before she kicked the bucket were, “Hey, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?”
Why can’t dinosaurs clap? Because they’re dead.
Why do scuba divers fall backwards out of the boat? Because if they fell forward, they’d still be in the boat.
Why does a chicken coop have two doors? If it had four it would be a chicken sedan.
A man walks into a bar and sees a bunch of people waiting to get refreshments. He asks the bartender, “Is this really the punch line?”
As I get older, and I remember all the people I’ve lost along the way, I think to myself, maybe a career as a tour guide wasn’t for me.
And finally, an oldie but goodie for the woke teachers:
A teacher was teaching her class about whales.
She said that it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human being as even though it was a gigantic animal, its stomach was very small. A little girl put up her hand and said that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher insisted that a whale couldn’t possibly swallow a human. The little girl said, “When I get to Heaven, I’ll ask Jonah.”
The teacher replied, “What if Jonah went to Hell?”
The girl said: “Then you ask him.”