Because we need some.

I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.

I just found out I’m colorblind. The diagnosis came completely out of the purple.

Just burned 2,000 calories. That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.

A cop just knocked on my door and told me that my dogs were chasing people on bikes. My dogs don’t even own bikes….

That’s enough of that.

Bob and Joe are walking home late one night and they pass a graveyard. Bob suggests taking a shortcut through it but the Joe has to meet someone elsewhere so they part company.
The next day they meet up.
“You made it through the graveyard then?” says Joe.
“Yeah, but you’re right there’s something creepy going on in there,” says Bob.
“Like what?” asks Joe.
“Well, I could hear this really strange sound, like music being played backwards.”
“Really?” says Joe, “Tell you what, why don’t I get my tape recorder and we’ll cut through there tonight, see if we can record it?”
The next day they meet up again and Joe plays the tape.
“That sounds classical,” say Bob.
“Yeah, it’s Beethoven’s 9th symphony – I’m playing the tape backwards,” says Joe, “And I found out where it’s coming from, come and see.”
Joe leads Bob back to the graveyard and up to a grave marked “Ludwig van Beethoven.”
“I don’t get it,” says Bob, “Why is the music coming out backwards?”
“It’s obvious really,” says Joe, “He’s decomposing.”

A lost dog strays into a jungle. A lion sees this from a distance and says with caution, “This guy looks edible, I’ve never seen his kind before.”
So the lion starts rushing towards the dog with menace. The dog notices, but as he’s about to run, he sees some bones next to him and gets an idea. He says loudly, “Mmm…that was some good lion meat!”
The lion abruptly stops and says, “Woah! This guy seems tougher then he looks, I better leave while I can.” Over by the tree top, a monkey witnessed everything. Evidently, the monkey realizes the he can benefit from this situation by telling the lion and getting something in return. So the monkey proceeds to tell the lion what really happened. The lion says angrily, “Get on my back, we’ll get him together.” And they start rushing back to the dog.
The dog sees them and realized what happened. He then gets another idea and shouts, “Where the hell is that monkey! I told him to bring me another lion an hour ago…”

When you call a dog, they usually come to you.
When you call a cat; they take a message.

A woman is walking in the park when she sees a man playing chess with his cat.
She says to the man “I can’t believe what I’m seeing, a cat that plays chess, what a clever animal.”
The man replied “Nah, Lady, this cat’s not clever at all; I’m beating it 6 games to 1.”

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