Because It’s Time

…for some humor.  Bear with me.

Many years ago I was in Wyoming elk hunting with a guide in prime grizzly-bear territory. Camped in an area with a host of bear tracks in the surrounding snow, I asked one evening how to stay safe from grizzly bears.
“First, tie bells to your shoes so they can hear you. Second, learn the difference between black bear and grizzly bear scat.”
I asked about the scatological difference.
“Grizz scat has bells in it.”

The devout cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range. Three weeks later, a bear walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth. The cowboy couldn’t believe his eyes. He took the precious book out of the bear’s mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, “It’s a miracle!”
“Not really,” said the bear. “Your name is written inside the cover.”

A man in a movie theater notices what looks like a bear sitting next to him.
“Are you a bear?” asked the man, surprised.
“What are you doing at the movies?”
The bear replied, “Well, I liked the book.”

A mangy looking guy goes into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says: “No way. I don’t think you can pay for it.”
The guy says, “You’re right. I don’t have any money, but if I show you something you haven’t seen before, will you give me a drink?”
The bartender says, “Only if what you show me ain’t risqué.”
“Deal!” says the guy and reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out a hamster. He puts the hamster on the bar and it runs to the end of bar, down the bar, across the room, up the piano, jumps on the key board and starts playing Gershwin songs and the hamster is really good.
The bartender says, “You’re right. I’ve never seen anything like that before. That hamster is truly good on the piano.”
The guy downs the drink and asks the bartender for another.
“Money or another miracle, or else no drink”, says the bartender.
The guy reaches into his coat again and pulls out a frog. He puts the frog on the bar, and the frog starts to sing. He has a marvelous voice and great pitch. A fine singer. A stranger from the other end of the bar runs over to the guy and offers him $300 for the frog.
The guy says “It’s a deal.” He takes the three hundred and gives the stranger the frog. The stranger runs out of the bar.
The bartender says to the guy, “Are you some kind of nut? You sold a singing frog for $300? It must have been worth millions. You must be crazy.”
“Not so,” says the guy. “The hamster is also a ventriloquist.”

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