Again.  This time for the high-brow among you.

Pavlov is sitting in a bar enjoying a beer.  The phone rings.  Pavlov jumps up shouting, “Oh, shit—I forgot to feed the dog!”

Schrodinger’s cat walks into a bar.  And doesn’t.

A Higgs Boson walks into a church, and the priest says, “We don’t allow Higgs Bosons in here.”
The Higgs Boson replies, “But you can’t have mass without me.”

The programmer’s wife tells him, “Run to the store and get a loaf of bread.  And if they have eggs, get a dozen.”  The programmer returned from the store with 12 loaves of bread.

What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

A photon checks into a hotel and the porter asks him if he has any luggage.  The photon replies, “No, I’m travelling light.”

Is it solipsistic in here, or is it just me?

An electron is driving down a motorway, and a policeman pulls him over.  The policeman says, “Sir, do you realise you were travelling at 80 mph?”
The electron replies, “Oh great, now I’m lost.”

Q: What do you call two crows on a branch?
A: Attempted murder.