…just to extend the holiday a bit. Along that line, this is the only post for today.
Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at them and says, “I’m sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion allowed per passenger.”
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it, too.
As one frog said to the other, “How time is fun when you are having flies.”
A Priest and a Rabbi walk into a bar; the Minister ducked.
A rabbi, a priest, and a minister are attending an ecumenical conference in another town, and they stop at a bar at the end of the day. The priest pulls out a deck of cards and pretty soon they’ve got a little poker game going — only to be busted by an overzealous policeman enforcing the town’s strict anti-gambling laws. So they’re hauled before a judge the next morning, and everybody’s kind of embarrassed about it, including the judge.
“Look,” he says, “just tell me you weren’t gambling, and I’ll let you go.”
“Well,” says the priest, “gambling qua gambling seems to me to imply some sort of intent to win money or with the idea that it would exchange hands at the end of the evening, whereas considering a hypothetical situation such as the one we were engaged in where the money is taking on more of the role of a token merely for tracking the interplay of the game and the relative …” and so on.
“Fine,” says the judge, “You can go.”
The minister steps up. “It seems to me that given divine foreknowledge of all events, even if we mortals are not so gifted raises the question of whether gambling as a concept can really ..” and so on also, and is similarly dismissed by the judge, just leaving the rabbi in the courtroom.
“Well?” asks the judge. “Rabbi, were you gambling?”
The rabbi looks around and shrugs his shoulders. “Gambling? With who?”
A chicken walks into a bar.
The bartender says, “Oh come on! We don’t serve chickens in here!”
The chicken says, “Do you know somewhere that does?”
The bartender says, “Yeah.”
The chicken asks, “Well, where is it?”
The bartender says, “It’s across the road.”
I was sitting in a bar one day and two really large women came in, talking in an interesting accent.
So I said, “Cool accent, are you two ladies from Ireland?”
One of them snarled at me, “It’s Wales, dumbo!”
So I corrected myself, “Oh, right, so are you two whales from Ireland?”
That’s about as far as I remember.