Because it’s time.  Deal.

Refusing to go to the gym counts as resistance training, right?

Tell me again how I unloaded the dishwasher too loudly when you were watching golf. Detectives will want to know exactly how this went down.

Patient: How much to have this tooth pulled?
Dentist: Ninety dollars.
Patient: Ninety dollars for just a few minutes’ work?
Dentist: I can do it slower if you like.

A guy goes to a doctor’s office and the doctor says, “I haven’t seen you for a while.”
The guy says, “I know, I’ve been sick.”

Apparently taking a day off is not something you should do when you work for a calendar company.

Why is there music coming out of your printer?
That will be the paper jamming again!

Knock knock.
Who’s there?
An extraterrestrial.
Extraterrestrial who?
Wait—how many extra-terrestrials do you know?

Knock knock
Who’s there?
The door.

Why did the chicken cross the road?
To hunt somebody down.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
The chicken.