…once again, to harass you with my sense of humor. Enjoy. Or suffer.

A librarian is working away at her desk when she notices that a chicken has come into the library and is patiently waiting in front of the desk. When the chicken sees that it has the librarian’s attention, it squawks, “Book, book, book, BOOK!”

The librarian complies, putting a couple of books down in front of the chicken. The chicken quickly grabs them and disappears.

The next day, the librarian is again disturbed by the same chicken, who puts the previous day’s pile of books down on the desk and again squawks, “Book, book, book, BOOK!”

It’s that time….

I don’t even get respect in my favorite bar. Last night I told the bartender to bring me the usual. He brought over a woman to reject me.

Two factory workers talking:

Woman: “I can make the boss give me the day off.”
Man: “And how would you do that?”
Woman: “Just wait and see.” She then hangs upside-down from the ceiling.

Boss comes in: “What are you doing?”
Woman: “I’m a light bulb.”
Boss: “You’ve been working so much that you’ve gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off.”

…for more…humor. So here’s some.

Q: How do you get an elephant into the fridge?

1.Open door.
2. Insert elephant.
3. Close door.

Q: How do you get a giraffe into the fridge?

1.Open door.
2. Remove elephant.
3. Insert giraffe.
4. Close door.

Here’s the thing: no one has satisfactorily explained the motive for President John Kennedy’s murder. What was Oswald up to?

New research and more accurate interpretation of existing data have revealed the answer, and as a side effect explained an additional murder. Recall that JFK liked the ladies, including especially his wife Jacqueline and the actress Marilyn Monroe. In the end, though, Kennedy decided he’d rather Marilyn than Jackie: what was he to do?

Recall also, Kennedy’s fecklessness during the Bay of Pigs invasion and the Cuban Missile Crisis. He had no hope of planning any sort of switch. So baby brother Bobby stepped in. He contracted a hit on Jackie so the widowed President could take up, openly, with his preferred lady.

It’s time for another installment in my quasi-aperiodic series of allegedly humorous posts. Read ’em, and weep.

A guy is in the hospital with two broken legs. The nurse comes in and tells him that there’s good news and bad news.
The guy asks for the bad news first.
The nurse says, “We’re going to have to remove your legs.”
Then the guy asks for the good news.
The nurse says, “The guy beside you wants to buy your sneakers.”

Good News: The Women’s Guild voted to send you a get-well card.
Bad News: The vote passed by 31-30.

Again.  This time for the high-brow among you.

Pavlov is sitting in a bar enjoying a beer.  The phone rings.  Pavlov jumps up shouting, “Oh, shit—I forgot to feed the dog!”

Schrodinger’s cat walks into a bar.  And doesn’t.

A Higgs Boson walks into a church, and the priest says, “We don’t allow Higgs Bosons in here.”
The Higgs Boson replies, “But you can’t have mass without me.”

The programmer’s wife tells him, “Run to the store and get a loaf of bread.  And if they have eggs, get a dozen.”  The programmer returned from the store with 12 loaves of bread.

At least, that’s what I call them.  It’s joke time, again.  Even though my wife objects….

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn’t find any.

 

A woman walks into a bar and the bartender says “Hey where’d you get the pig?”

The women says “This isn’t a pig it’s a duck.”

The bartender says “No, I was talking to the duck!”

 

Two penguins walk into a bar…a third penguin says “You’d have thought the second one would have seen it.”