Jokes, Again

It’s that time….

I don’t even get respect in my favorite bar. Last night I told the bartender to bring me the usual. He brought over a woman to reject me.

Two factory workers talking:

Woman: “I can make the boss give me the day off.”
Man: “And how would you do that?”
Woman: “Just wait and see.” She then hangs upside-down from the ceiling.

Boss comes in: “What are you doing?”
Woman: “I’m a light bulb.”
Boss: “You’ve been working so much that you’ve gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off.”

JFK’s Murder Solved?

Here’s the thing: no one has satisfactorily explained the motive for President John Kennedy’s murder. What was Oswald up to?

New research and more accurate interpretation of existing data have revealed the answer, and as a side effect explained an additional murder. Recall that JFK liked the ladies, including especially his wife Jacqueline and the actress Marilyn Monroe. In the end, though, Kennedy decided he’d rather Marilyn than Jackie: what was he to do?

Recall also, Kennedy’s fecklessness during the Bay of Pigs invasion and the Cuban Missile Crisis. He had no hope of planning any sort of switch. So baby brother Bobby stepped in. He contracted a hit on Jackie so the widowed President could take up, openly, with his preferred lady.

A Man Jumped a Fence

…surrounding the White House Friday night and was able to get all the way inside the White House before he was stopped. A little birdie has told me how the penetrator was able to get so far.

The Secret Service successfully detected the man as he was climbing the fence, and they responded to him promptly. They committed their initial effort at stopping him to remonstrating with him as he moved across the lawn: this is the sort of thing that was done in the 19th century; such things are unseemly in the 21st. The man was on the wrong side of history, and his effort was doomed to failure, anyway. And so on.

It’s that Time Again

It’s time for another installment in my quasi-aperiodic series of allegedly humorous posts. Read ’em, and weep.

A guy is in the hospital with two broken legs. The nurse comes in and tells him that there’s good news and bad news.
The guy asks for the bad news first.
The nurse says, “We’re going to have to remove your legs.”
Then the guy asks for the good news.
The nurse says, “The guy beside you wants to buy your sneakers.”

Good News: The Women’s Guild voted to send you a get-well card.
Bad News: The vote passed by 31-30.

It’s Joke Time

Again.  This time for the high-brow among you.

Pavlov is sitting in a bar enjoying a beer.  The phone rings.  Pavlov jumps up shouting, “Oh, shit—I forgot to feed the dog!”

Schrodinger’s cat walks into a bar.  And doesn’t.

A Higgs Boson walks into a church, and the priest says, “We don’t allow Higgs Bosons in here.”
The Higgs Boson replies, “But you can’t have mass without me.”

The programmer’s wife tells him, “Run to the store and get a loaf of bread.  And if they have eggs, get a dozen.”  The programmer returned from the store with 12 loaves of bread.


At least, that’s what I call them.  It’s joke time, again.  Even though my wife objects….

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn’t find any.


A woman walks into a bar and the bartender says “Hey where’d you get the pig?”

The women says “This isn’t a pig it’s a duck.”

The bartender says “No, I was talking to the duck!”


Two penguins walk into a bar…a third penguin says “You’d have thought the second one would have seen it.”


Evil Insurers Push Back

At least one insurer does, anyway.  Wellmark has a series of ads out that will run in Iowa and South Dakota into mid-December.  Aside from poking (gentle) fun at ObamaMart’s failure, Wellmark’s link for their site emphasizes the simplicity of non-government alternatives: .

Breaking News

BREAKING: Washington Redskins drop “Washington” from their name because it’s embarrassing.


Another Meager Attempt at Humor

Q: Why did the elephant paint its fingernails red?
A: So it could hide in the strawberry patch.

Q: How can you tell that an elephant is in the bathtub with you?
A: By the smell of peanuts on its breath.

Q: How do you shoot a blue elephant?
A: With a blue elephant gun.
Q: How do you shoot a yellow elephant?
A: Have you ever seen a yellow elephant?
Q: How do you shoot a red elephant?
A: Hold his trunk shut until he turns blue, and then shoot him with the blue elephant gun.
Q: How do you shoot a purple elephant?
A: Paint him red, hold his trunk shut until he turns blue, and then shoot him with the blue elephant gun.