Q: Why don’t blind people go skydiving?
A: It scares the hell out of the dog.

There were three ninjas, and each thought they were the best ninja in the land. So, one day, they went to the old master and asked him who was the best ninja in the land.
“Hmm…,” he replied, “we shall see.”
The next morning, the three ninjas met by the riverbank with the old master. He withdrew a small box from underneath his robes and went to the first ninja.
He opened the box, and a fly flew out. With one swish of his sword, the first ninja sliced the fly neatly in half.
“Very impressive,” said the old man, “but we shall see.”
He went to the second ninja. The ninja’s sword swished through the air twice, and the fly fell neatly into four pieces.
“Very impressive,” said the old man, “but we shall see.”
He then went to the third ninja and took out a small box. The ninja swished his sword, and the fly flew away.
The third ninja stood with a smug look on his face.
“Why do you look so prideful? You failed; the fly flew away!” the old man said.
“Yes,” the third ninja said, “but he will never have children.”

Graffiti on wall of a hotel room:
Werner Heisenberg might have slept here.

Why did the elephant change his socks? Because they were dirty.
Why do elephants paint their toenails red, yellow, orange, green, and brown? So they can hide in a bag of M&Ms.
Which elephants live in the Arctic? Cold ones.
How can you tell if there are three elephants in the bathtub with you? You count them.

Buddy Hackett told this one:

This guy is driving down the road at about 45 mph when he notices a chicken running beside him on the passenger side keeping up. This amazes him so he decides to speed up a bit. Now he’s doing 50 and the chicken is right there next to him. It’s at this time he notices the chicken has three legs. He increases his speed to 55 and the chicken leaps out ahead of him and crosses over in front of him and runs down a side street.
The guy slams on his breaks turns around and follows the chicken up the side street. There standing in the road is this farmer. The guy asks the farmer if he’s seen a three-legged chicken go by and the farmer says yep, matter of fact that’s my chicken. I raise three legged chickens. To which the guy asks, why would anyone raise three legged chickens? The farmer says well now think about it. Do you like drumsticks? Yes, the guy says. and your wife? Does she like drumsticks? Of course, says the guy. Well now suppose you have a guest over for dinner and he likes drumsticks? That’s pure genius says the guy. How do they taste? he asks the farmer and the farmer replies, I don’t know, we’ve never caught one.